Adventures in Writing: Writing Drunk

There’s a certain myth that writers actually write better when drunk. F. Scott Fitzgerald did it, Ernest Hemingway did it, as did Oscar Wilde. Hell, Lewis Carroll supposedly dabbled with Absinthe and narcotics.

Don’t do this.

If you want proof of how badly you will write when drunk, just look at your phone. You’ve likely either sent one like this:

hergle

 

Or gone one step further and sent a text like this to your mother/brother/sister/father/ex…

mistake

 

Therefore, trust me when I say YOU ARE IN NO FIT STATE TO WRITE NOW. I know this from experience. Last month, after having about 4 Jack Daniels and cokes, I decided I was in a perfect position to write. I can do this, I thought. I can!

Wrong. What resulted was a garble that not even Google Translate could interpret. It looked something a little like this: Elkie looojked at Leah, sifdsging like a bill.

Now, I think what I was trying to say was: Ella looked at Leah, sighing like a bull.

But honestly, does that really make any sense? Finally, I began to cry and turned off my computer in high dudgeon. And when I woke up the next day, I felt like someone had hit me between the eyes with a sledgehammer and I couldn’t look at my screen for longer than five seconds without wanting to throw up.

My advice? Unless your name actually is F. Scott Fitzgerald, leave Jack and his friends at home when you’re writing…

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